Dear 21st Century Dad, I’m a 38 year old stock broker. To say the least, I am wired into the 21st century. In an eight to ten hour day, I am plugged into my Blackberry, attuned to an IPOD or immobilized with a lap top on my knee. I have to admit. It’s kind of a guy thing with me. I’m ahead of a lot of kids when it comes to being a member of the Wired World, and I have to be because being interconnected is what makes my family money.
With my twelve and a half year old, it’s a different matter. She’s addicted to visual screens and audio devices. I haven’t seen her at the supper table for two weeks. We wrestle for about five minutes and then she’s off to do an XBOX game. There’s always an audio plug in her ears or her attention is preoccupied to a screen when I want to talk to her.
I have no security issues with her computer time. I have every web site block imaginable and I know all her computer contacts. I’m not worried about on line predators. My daughter can come up to her Mom or me anytime if she’s uncomfortable with anything on the computer.
The real predators are the computers and the TV’s we have in practically every room in the house. This technology consumes my kid’s life, and I’m getting to see less and less of a full on, cooperative, frontal view of her face.
How does a technofreak like myself tell a 12 year old technology addict to give it up and get a life?
Dear Techno Implant,
We need not worry if our daughter will remain computer literate if we restrict her to a limited play time on the Internet. We are heading toward a biological marriage with technology anyways. Google RFIF chips in Wikipedia and we will get an idea as to how invasive informational technology has become. She will have 24/7 access to the world wide information system, and will be accessible 24/7. It is safe to say that as a society, we will view our daughter as not only a person, but as an information component of whatever form the web morphs into.
Is there still time to ask her to explore experiences that are real time and that are not permeated by EMF radiation from the computer? That are not perceived from the stationary perspective of the seat of her pants? That cannot be modulated by a rapid hand movement on a keyboard?
We are lucky. Our kid is still trainable and we have an opportunity to deprogram her before our admonishments become an alien language. Microsoft founder Bill Gates limited his ten year old daughter to 45 minutes per night. How do we adjust the at home time frame for a 13 year old?
1. As our schools move toward the goal of a Laptop for Every Child, let us force school officials to make physical education a daily, compulsory requirement of the school curricula.
2. Withdrawing Internet privileges is somewhat akin to requesting a smoker to ditch the cigarettes or a compulsive eater to consider another glass of water. A behavioural contract may be in order. In this behavioural contract, can we emphasize positive reinforcements over negative consequences? Let us be gentle but firm in our alternative activity planning. And we must include ourselves in dealing with our household techno addiction.
3. Positive reinforcements will be most effective in outlining what programs can be watched, and what cannot and accumulative time limits for staring into monitors or talking on MSN.
4. We can reassess the locations of the hardware in our houses. If our daughter seems marooned to her bedroom, bring the computer out to the living area.
5. In a family meeting, set down family hours for at least two or three sessions per week. Whatever will we all talk about for 30 minutes? That can be a topic in itself.
6. Let us talk to the parents of our daughter’s friends and enlist them in our concerns. We can speak those magic words, “Enough is enough,” or “Turn off and tune in for a change, ” or how about, “Let’s go outside and play.”
Of course, the less technology with which our daughter has to interact, the more she will might want interact with us. We may even have to engage her more frequently in meaningful listening sessions, board games and sensory integration games, silly giggling and laughing sessions. Or baking cookies and cream puffs.
How do we entice our daughter to join us in non-techo activites? We can start by looking into our own dark cupboard of addictions. If we are trying to break our daughter’s techno addiction, first we have to start with ourselves. Be the perfect example, or at least do the best we can. How many activities during the evening are essential to complementing our daytime business requirements? Can we assess how much time and how many different forms of technology we need to enjoy our evening time away from work?
We have to be persistent in our pursuit. If we are suggesting a baking evening, it might not be until the fifth week that she finally gets bored with her boredom and requests to join the activity. Every Wednesday night, 7:30 to 9 we bake, with or without her. We can present her two options: she hangs out with herself and fumes, or she eventually joins us in the benefits. The non-participation and the “we’re so mean” accusations will slowly subside.
List a number of activities we could do with our daughter. Reflect upon the activities that could truly be enjoyable for each party. A regular Wednesday evening night out at the local entrepreneurial business networking meeting might not excite her too much.
One positive reinforcement technique that can be effective is to mix a perceived negative option (I hate baking!) with an enticing reward (These are so yummy, can I have another one?) Here’s a recipe, the smell of which wafting about the house, will be sure to entice our daughter into joining the bake team.
OUR 20th Century DAD’S CREAM PUFFS
He was the kind of guy who used to put whipped cream on top of the chocolate ice cream he had covered with a cherry glaze. We can make them fist size or golf ball size. There’s lots of arm work required, so get a baker with non whining biceps. If we can get these puffs made perfect, they will all be eaten before they are properly cooled. That’s a hint. They are so good!!!
Turn the oven on to 400 degrees.
Mix one cup of flour with
1/8th teaspoon of salt and
one tablespoon of sugar.
Boil 1/3 cup butter in one cup of water.
Drop the flour mixture into the boiled water. (Don’t get burned by splatters of boiling water.)
Stir 4 to 5 WARM eggs one at a time into the flour/water mixture. (Suspend the eggs in hot water for an hour.) Hand mix the mixture after every egg until the stuff sticks together like glue or gluey cement. We will need to have two or three people mixing. It’s tough work! The mixture is ready when we can hardly pull the spoon out.
Spoon the doe with either a teaspoon or a tablespoon onto a greased platter. It helps if we have a wet spoon. Sprinkle the puffs lightly with water.
Throw it into the oven for ten minutes, then, turn down the temp to 350 for 25 minutes. We can watch them rise. When the puffs are brown on top, they are ready.
Cut them in half with a sharp knife, and then scoop out any wet doughy doe. Fill them with whipping cream and dip them in chocolate. My mouth is watering already.
The Chocolate Dip
To about a cup of chocolate chips, add a teaspoon of milk and a teaspoon of butter. Stir it around until it’s spreadable.
The Whipping Cream
Use the real stuff. A half carton should be enough. Add a teaspoon of vanilla if we have it, and a tablespoon of sugar. Mix it in a cold bowl.
When we have whipped cream all over our face, and chocolate up to our 2nd knuckles, and our belly is moaning because we ate too many, we can thank the 20th Century Dad Cooks of the world. Up there in the skies somewhere, cracking eggs in a previous time warp.
Google:
1. In Wikipedia, search The Children’s Machine + Seymour Papert
2. Laptop for Every Child
Key into YouTube:
1. Shutdown Day 2007- Alternative Uses for your Laptop
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