Question 6. Disrespect

Dear 21st Century Dad, when I came to Canada, my wife and I divorced because she was drinking too much. She moved in with a boyfriend and I took on the responsibility of raising two boys from the ages of fourteen and seventeen.

When I first disciplined them, I slapped them like my father did for me, and his father did for him, for generations of families. I wanted to teach them respect. Social workers appeared at my door and told me I couldn’t do that. They never told me how to discipline them. They got pretty wild until they started families of their own.

I have one grandchild from each son now. Both grandkids, 11 and 17, have problems with bad friends and fights with teachers at their schools. I hear my grandchildren talk about their teachers. They say they will call the police if the teacher touches them. The teacher will lose a job. They say the same thing to their fathers. They will call the police. Imagine!

It seems to me maybe slapping is not such a good idea, at least not on the head. But the opposite is that children have no respect for parents, teachers, family or old people. I hear horrible things they say about girls, even though I know I know the younger one doesn’t even understand what he says.

For my grandchildren’s sake, I want to know how we teach respect to children.

Dear Wise Elder,
Our grandchildren are like tea pots. If we pour in violent pictures, cocky sport stars, bad ass music and musicians, news reports of death, dying and destruction from the capitals of despair, words of powerful people that preach greed and grief, toughened expressions of sexuality, and continue to elevate profit at the expense of the health of the earth and its citizens, our kids will pour out a witches brew.

Young and old, we are all creators and captive addicts to this excess.

Wise elders have a responsibility to give back their memories to the world. We can counsel our grandchildren and our community’s children and let them know the difference between compassion and meanness, between right and wrong, between the joys of opportunity and the desperation of failure. We can let them know we feel the beat of their pulse in our wrists and the sound of their voices in our ears. With intentions rooted in our heart, we can hug them, brush the dirt of their elbows and offer them a smile and an encouraging gesture.

Simply, we can be there for our community’s children. We can spend time with them. We can teach them skills we have learned and show them why skills are so important to acquire. We can take them out to eat, offer them treats and have fun. Grandparents can be mentors who inspire, guide and support our young ones.

The energy of a waterfall will always attract a child to swim in its waters. Google:

1. It Takes a Village to Raise a Child +Hillary Clinton

Key into YouTube:
1. Impact of ageing population in Europe and Russia