Dear 21st Century Dad, the school vacations are approaching and I’m looking at them with divided wishes. My fourteen year old boy vacations with his father. Half of me says, “Hurray I’ll get some breathing space,” and half of me is fearful. I never know what kind of boy will return. Last week, he was sitting beside me at the kitchen table. My boy, my neighbour and her two children (all are the same age), were talking about what to do about drugs and after school dances. When I disagreed with what my son was saying, he actually called me a stupid bitch. It was the tone in his voice that made the whole table went quiet. You could have heard a pin drop. I’ve never been so embarrassed. I apologized for his behaviour to my friend. I’ve been upset ever since.
Dear Ring The Alarm Bells,
Is there a reluctance to provide all the pertinent information? The question indicates there has been an abusive marital relationship, and now you are sick to death that a son is mirroring his father’s behaviour, and worse, perhaps with his father’s covert permission.
We must call a together a council of peers and elders. Our boy needs to know from as many people he respects that abuse in any form, physical, emotional or financial, is unacceptable, and can be punishable by law.
Does this bring our dirty linen into the public? Yes, it does.
Ask for assurance that everyone at the table buttons their lip once they leave the table. Battering, abuse, beating, exploitation, by whomever names this dysfunction, is wrong. This is not our little family secret; abuse is a virus that can destroy everyone’s family. Silence can only let it flower into another generation, and another, and another.
Can you get your previous husband’s support? If not, make clear to your son that what may be supported in one household will not be in ours. Draw a line in the sand, and get everyone in the world to support you.
If our son’s abusive actions continue, we need therapeutic assistance. Call a local crisis center, government ministry responsible for children, religious leader, or community organization for a referral to a therapist. Call a wise and empathetic friend to talk.
Be prepared for the event that our son will deny he needs help. Nobody likes to face misery in the eye.
Google:
1.Protecting Children
2.The Society for Children and Youth of BC (Once there, key in Links)
3.Senior Peer Counselling - mySeniorSite
4.BC Institute Against Family Violence - Newsletter
Key into YouTube
1. Tea Party Domestic Abuse PSA (This is a tough one to watch.)
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