Dear 21st Century Dad, my seventeen-year old son works the produce aisle at the local grocery. His boss considers him one of the more dependable employees: he is always calling upon him for extra hours. A couple of times during the year, my son has had problems with getting his school assignments in on time, but by and large, he is a pretty good student. He gets better marks than either his dad or I did. He has bought his own car and pays for his own insurance and gas. By and large, he is independent. We haven’t had discipline issues with him for two years. It seems he is always working, schooling, or playing in his garage band. No time for trouble.
Lately, he has met a new girl. He spends an inordinate amount of money on her. I wish he would save money for his post secondary schooling. He even bought her a coat at Christmas. He is paying the cost off monthly. He says it’s a good method to get a credit record. I could never afford to wear what he spends on her. He says it’s his money, and his business. How can I persuade him to be a little more cautious with his money?
Dear Pennywise,
Our son sounds like he works hard for his money and that he is deserving of his success. Unless our own family is experiencing some financial hardship, and he is still at school, we do not need to consider charging him for his food and shelter. If there is difficulty putting a nutritious spread of food on the table, asking him to contribute to household bills will hasten his financial maturity. His spending habits present an opportunity to negotiate a contribution, if that is what the family needs.
Spending what may seem to be excessive amounts of money on girls may also hasten his financial maturity. Throwing money after golden girls can teach a marvellous lesson, if there is a listener involved in the financial consequences.
Our son’s financial management of his own resources is an opportunity to talk about our own family experience in paying for utilities, food, housing, vacations, clothing health, gifting, children and savings. We can discuss what we have learned with making, spending and losing money: the pitfalls and the successes, the tough times and the enjoyments.
Rather than tell him what he should be doing with his money, let’s make him an appointment with a financial advisor. In forty-five minutes, our son will receive a free education on money. A financial advisor is a third person expert who can ground our son in the financial realities of the marketplace. Money can make money (or lose it). A diligent produce clerk may appreciate how financial rewards can accumulate without the necessity of trading physical labour for miniscule hourly wages.
We can also explore with him how much his post secondary educational costs will be, and if or how much we can help. This is a good time to introduce him to budgets and living costs, the kind of financial management courses we wish schools would make compulsory for graduation.
Another line of questioning we can explore is his thinking about the relationship between money and friendship. Is the expensive coat motivated by a generous nature? By a dress for success fashion style? By a self image that is complemented by a well dressed girlfriend?
Is there an economic gap between both our families? What has been the reaction of his girlfriend? Does she spend focused television time on the fashionista programs?
We can ask these questions without the tone of judgment in our voice. The gifting may be indicative of our son’s operative style of negotiating his position in the world outside of our family. Hopefully, he has not been so easily snagged by an impulsive materialistic desire. Realistically, he is developing his financial education right now.
He’ll soon enough be working to support the consequences. Either bills that litter the letterbox and the email In Box, or, with our blessings, great capital gains and a savvy appreciation of the expectations and limitations of the Almighty Dollar.
Google:
1. FPSC - Certified Financial Planner - Educating Youth
Key into YouTube:
1. Back-to-School Budgeting Teens May Be Learning Bad Money
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