Dear 21st Century Dad, last week I gave my 13 year old son $20 to pay off our video bill on his way home from school. When he got home he seemed upset but didn’t want to talk about it. I forgot about it in my haste to get supper made until two days later at the video store, the attendant reminded me about the overdue bill. I lost it and got into an argument over the payment. Was I ever angry! My son didn’t pay the bill. He must have kept the twenty for himself. When I got home, I was just about to launch into an interrogation when my son burst into crying. I’ve found out he’s had to give his lunch, and on more than this one occasion, money to this group of 16 year olds at his school. Is this a shakedown or what? He didn’t want to go to school on Friday because he said he was sick. I think he’s afraid. My husband is not supportive. He says school fights are part of the process of growing up. What do I do?
Dear Afraid For A Good Reason,
In adult society, there are good guys, bad guys and a whole bunch in between. Can we visualize a society without some sort of police force or justice league to reign in the bad guys when they run do wrong? We only need see what occurs in many of our neighbourhoods the world over when disaster strikes. Without a police presence, mayhem rules.
Bullies are bad guys and girls in the making. They are a menace that harms the victim, the family, the school, the community, the future of the community and even themselves. They are stating in their actions that the rule of law does not apply to them, and they use the advantage of their young age and their lack of obligation to society to flaunt their power over people they deem vulnerable to harass.
Parents of teens, brothers and sisters, friends, teachers, the school bus authorities, the school and the local police all have a role to play in the prevention of bullying.
Let’s start with Dad. He has to recognize the severity of the problem and the long term consequences of bullying. Vulnerable kids with no support structures to depend upon have committed suicide. The police have charged over reactive parents with assault even though they believed they were defending their children. Raising our children to be tough is one thing. Expecting our children to act with composure, when we ourselves would be the first to seek help if a criminal attempted to extort us, is misguided parenting.
We can call upon the family gathering. We want to boost up his self esteem by offering recognition of the difficult trial he has been forced to confront and especially that he is not alone in this crisis. Lots of hugs is the best way to increase self esteem. It’s time to gather ‘round the tents’ and face the crisis head on.
Bullying is not a part of civil life. We can help by being calm. We can promote an alert perspective by thinking ahead and developing a safety strategy for the immediate problem of getting to and from school. Let’s pinpoint teachers, the school administrators, the school board and the police to request their assistance.
Organizations such as The Kid’s Help Line, Crisis Centre, and the Boys and Girls Club of Canada have experience in bullying.
A judicial procedure in many communities called Restorative Justice Program exists to bring the perpetrator and the victim face to face in a safe setting to resolve the crisis. Restorative justice is more flexible and responsible in the solutions offered to the perpetrator and the victim than is the normal court structures. We might even find out why this particular ruffian bullies. Would our demand for harsh justice change if we knew our perpetrator bullied because he or she repeats learned behaviour in their abusive house? Restorative Justice Programs have the intention to heal society by repairing the harm between two individuals, rather than just incarcerating one of them.
Google
1. Public Safety/Securite Publique>
2. The Canadian Inititative for Prevention of Bullying
Key into YouTube:
1. could you handle this at your school?
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